So last night we get in bed just as SNL is coming on (a rerun) and my wife asks if I want to play. Before I can answer, she reaches over to the bedside table and pulls out the small vibe I like. Before I can slip off my underwear, she is rubbing the vibe over the length of my dick, over my balls and between my thighs. Okay, I'm game!
I often feel really inadequate when I write about how our sex life goes. She initiates, I require some outside stimulation either in the form of a toy or her telling me something really naughty or most often, me imagining something naughty, and then she rides my dick to orgasm. The entire saving grace of our sex life is that my wife cums faster than any woman I have ever known. Clearly, she is masturbating but using my dick as the toy. Of course, I am masturbating too. I guess that is what makes me feel inadequate about the whole thing.
I read so many blogs from wives who either have husbands who have no desire or not enough desire for sex, or the husband is bi/gay and the wife is having to deal with that. I admit, I am totally turned on by reading the words of women who find sex and sometimes love, outside of the marriage. But I also read the pain these women experience and I read what they desperately need from their husbands. They seem to miss the feelings of the husband wanting, desiring, craving them sexually. I totally get it. If I could make it happen for my wife, I would. But I have learned it isn't something you can fake. In my mind, it would just be so much easier if we had a pool boy who could service my wife as needed, but I think we all know, that isn't what a wife craves. All the time, anyway.
As she took her position on top of my body, she placed the small vibrator right at that spot between our bodies where it would give us both pleasure. The combination of my hard dick inside and the vibrator pressing against her and no telling what was going through her mind gave the obvious result. When she reaches that special place, her body trembles and her arms, placed firmly on my chest, shake. I have to admit, for years, I wondered if this was just some act. Does she have such an intense orgasm that her body literally trembles?
As she calms herself, I continue a slow motion of moving in and out. She grabs the small vibe and starts using it on that area just below my balls. Oh, my.
As our routine goes, I make a movement indicating the need for a change of position. She rolls off of my body and then lays on her stomach, ass slightly lifted. I promise, this is nothing to do with me fantasizing about doing a guy, but I just prefer to take her from behind. It also gives me a reason to place the vibe in my ass. Okay, maybe that has to do with being bi, but I think many completely straight men would enjoy the feeling if they just gave it a try.
Over time, I have perfected being able to place the small toy all the way in with ease. My wife makes a joke about the fact that it is in so far she can barely hear it. Ha ha. But she can feel it. The vibrating effect gives me incredible sensation but it also transfers into the feeling of my dick inside her pussy. She begins to moan again. I want so desperately to ask her how many of her friends she has confessed to, that her husband loves a toy in his ass, but there won't be time. The thought is all it takes and I unload several days of pent up energy just as she cums loudly, again.
We are both satisfied, but what she really wants - what she needs is for me to aggressively take her. She would love for me to pin her against the way and just fuck her. She had a lover once who did that for her and I know she wishes I would do it. I just don't feel it. I need a pool so I can find a pool boy.
5 comments:
I hadn't really been able to formulate the right words, but your last paragraph covers my frustrations for nearly the full duration of my relationship with my husband pretty well.
It isn't that the sex is lacking, but there's generally been a sense that I lead, he follows. This was how we first got together and it still holds today, nearly ten years later. There have been times that he has been aggressive and passionately demonstrative, but they are usually few and far between... most often inspired by the separation caused by increasingly infrequent travel assignments.
While I generally identify as dominant and our arrangement usually works, I have all too often craved that forwardness, that demonstrative enthusiasm to seduce and/or consume me. It increasingly feels like our orgasms -- both his and mine -- are my responsibility and mine alone, which is a real pressure and does little to make me feel desirable.
The timing of your post is excellent for me, because of two things.
1. It gave me words for the feelings that I have had, without laying blame, but just stating the facts.
2. This weekend, our bi male playmate picked me up, carried me onto the bed, and fucked me without hesitation or reserve. Though my husband is physically both larger and stronger than the playmate, he has not done that for years... maybe twice in our near-decade together. It made me realize that, while my husband seems to expect to receive sexual pleasure, the playmate is eager to take it, and I have missed being with a partner who serves himself, rather than expects to be served.
It is hard to word this without sounding like blaming someone, which is really not my intent. I think that I am just increasingly accepting the fact that I am not going to receive all my sexual gratification from only one person. In our monogamy-centric society, even while actively having sex with two men, that is still hard to accept.
So, thank you for giving words to my issue.
I'm so glad you commented and very pleased that my words could resonate with someone.
I recognize that I have a problem - a common problem, and I'm not so sure that it is because of my bisexuality. I see that commercial about low testosterone and wonder if I should ask my doctor to run tests.
Like me, your husband obviously has desire, but it doesn't necessarily equate to the needs that you have or my wife has. They have a pill to make men have boners, but they need a pill to make us want more.
I am sorry. I need to know why. Why can't you F#*@ her like that? What stops you. It seems such as easy task.
Great post. I think this rings true for many relationships (mostly marriages). Sometimes the flame dies down. It's not that you don't want to get the flame to burn bright, but it's easier to burn a new flame or watch a flame burning. I think I'm confusing even myself now. Thanks again.
@AWILTAGM Why can't you F#*@ her like that? What stops you.
That is a great question and deserves an answer. I'll have to respond in a new post.
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