Friday, April 19, 2013

Don't Worry, I'm Not Going to Harm You...

I have noticed that more and more of the blogs I follow are trending toward the theme of BDSM, and mostly the D/s type of thing.  I have to admit, I don't really feel like this is my thing, though I have to offer the obligatory, it is okay if other people do it.  I think what attracts me to these writers in the first place has to do with the theme of infidelity, but then I am taken in by quality writing and possibly, the occasional picture posted.

One recent addition to my list is about a very sexually liberated woman who happens to have a slave amongst her crowd of lovers.  I certainly get that a Master/slave situation might be cool for role play during sex, but these people are living this way full time.  Again, no spears being thrown, it simply isn't where I'm at. I do have to say that as a CSI (Las Vegas) fan, I enjoyed how they explored the relationship Gil Grissom had with a professional Dominatrix, Lady Heather.  The idea that he was drawn to her, but kept it separate from his girlfriend/wife on the show is sort of the way I feel about the whole thing, that is if I ever explored that scene.

It brings me up to a recurring fantasy/dream situation I had starting as early as the 5th or 6th grade, and frankly, something that I occasionally think about while daydreaming about different women (or men).  Before I state it, I feel the need to point out that my, "Don't do that, it would be stupid" switch works quite well.  I have no problem visualizing crazy acts in my mind, but even when drunk, I have never been one to even consider acting out on anything really stupid.  I say this because I don't want some random FBI Google search to depict me in a profile for the next Ted Bundy situation.  I don't even want to get into that story about the police officer who had the fantasy about eating people and ended up going to jail for it!

When I was very young, still probably not even to jack-off age yet, I would imagine a scene where I had tied up all the school teachers.  They would be blind-folded so as to provide me with some anonymity.  There was never any violence.  They were always tied up and blindfolded, but there were no beatings administered. In fact, I always had this mind to calm them and let them know it would all be okay, and nobody would be hurt.  Eventually, in my fantasy, I would focus on one and I would attempt to seduce her.  In short, with a captive audience, I would have my chance to convince her to love me, even if at that age, I had no idea what it meant.

As I got older, these captives might be bare chested.  I often used this fantasy to explore which of these teachers or later, fellow students or friends, I would want to be with.  As I approached adulthood and I began having more and more urges to explore my Bi side, often my captives included males.  In these cases, I would somehow convince the blindfolded guys that there was a female co-hostage taker, and thus, when they were blindfolded, I could perform oral sex on them.

The fantasies have become more elaborate over the years.  I often make it appear that I am simply a small player in the scenario.  I want the captive to feel like I am trying to help them in this situation, and it is actually someone else holding them. I have these conversations where I continually assure them that no harm will come to them, that they will not be raped or killed, but inevitably I have them restrained and blindfolded as I perform oral sex.  In my fantasy, these women succumb to my oral skills and finally invite me to have sex.  Okay, same thing with he guys.

I wrote a few weeks back how I could not get into the idea of being rough with my wife.  In these fantasies, I'm never rough, in fact, the fantasy always begins with my victims already restrained.  Perhaps this is something that you get if you purchase a package through a professional.  You show up to their dungeon and they already have some restrained slaves, and you have paid for the opportunity to seduce some of them.

I'm sure that some amateur-psychoanalyst can quickly tell me that, oh, this is your standard Schmedly-Beaverton Syndrome (just made that up) and it signifies blah blah blah.  But I really don't think I need that, or at least I don't feel like I do.  I'm sure it all has to do with some kind of fear of natural intimacy, and that I feel the need to restrain people in order to give me enough time to convince them to like me.  Or maybe I'm simply a perv who wants to be able to have my way with others without hurting them.

Feel free to diagnose me.

1 comment:

FreakyV said...

So when I was in grade school (I think 4th thr 6th) and I didn't know what sex was yet. I had dreams about me and all my classmates (girls and boys) naked and we were on conveyer belts and going down chutes in a factory. Stuff like jello and whipcream, etc were put on us. I was not ever exposed to anything that would of given me this fantasy. I used to have a huge food fetish, but then my first husband (abusive) ruined that for me. By why the hell did I have dreams like that?????

As for the slave thing, I want a man to dominate me physically (or a woman)but NEVER mentally. I would also like to dominate someone physically but not mentally. This coming weekend we are suppose to meet a Dom and his slave to play. I don't think Swinger really knows much about these roles. They are a nice couple and they do the dungeon thing. I am just finding different things that turn me on that are new and figure they can help. I do read some BDSM blogs, but not many as I can't understand the mental part of it (after being with the abusive husband)

And we all have mixed feelings about why some things come into our mind and we can't understand it. But as you get older, you also change, so who is to say that someday you might want to hurt someone! lol