If you've followed me for the last several years it will come as no shock that once again I am asking myself, is this what my mid-life crisis is all about? I think the subject of the male mid-life crisis makes such great fodder for books and movies or, as I have witnessed, everyday life watching otherwise respected colleagues and friends do silly and often juvenile things to somehow recapture the youth that is surely slipping away.
I assumed years ago that mine would manifest itself in a new Corvette rolling into the driveway as my wife's jaw dropped. Instead, there was the sucking of dicks which I had craved since my early teens. At each step of the way as I transitioned from being forty-something to fifty-something, I have wondered if whatever life change I was experiencing was the result of some mid-life crisis, and really, if I was just heading for doing something silly that when I was in my seventies, my kids would be telling stories to their kids about the crazy things I did during my mid-life crisis. Haven't I given them enough to laugh about already?
It was just about a month ago when I posted briefly about a chat conversation with a family friend. During this conversation, some confessions were made that ultimately led to some very interesting conversations about our lives, our sex lives, and other personal things. And yes, as predicted, I shared the blog. Yep, she is reading this. For my handful of other readers who know me in real life, worry not; none of you know each other.
One of the things I proclaimed during our initial sharing of intimate details was that our conversations would NOT lead to me trying to have sex with her. We were two people who happened to know each other who happened to have some shared sexual interests, and we both happened to want to talk about them with one another. In a way, there isn't a lot of difference in that dynamic in what we have here with this blog. I tell some intimate detail, some of you leave a comment, some of you e-mail me and in truth, I get off on that. To my knowledge, those interactions haven't led me to try to have sex with any of you, either (unless we already had sex and that's why you know about the blog).
I only make this point because I felt myself falling in a different direction recently, and it was both invigorating and to be quite honest, scary. Invigorating in the way a guy sitting at the stoplight in a family sedan next to a young stud in a sports car might be motivated to take a detour by the Corvette dealership on his way home, and scary that he might just pull out his checkbook and do something about it. Perhaps a better analogy for today's world is the fifty year-old guy who buys a Harley-Davidson because he can afford to, but not realizing that it isn't like driving a car. YouTube surely has proof that some dumbasses can't handle something just because they can get their hands on it.
I did something I rarely ever do at work the other day, I messaged on FB with my friend. I wasn't expecting it to be a dirty discussion about experiences, but in fact, within a minute or two, I was sitting behind my desk with my dick pressing dramatically at my slacks. Imagine this environment. I'm sitting in my office with the door open; people are walking by with the occasional person popping in to ask a question. I am clicking back and forth between pressing work and the window with FB open. The discussion involves panties, it involves pussy licking, ass eating, orgasms and how happily married she is to her handsome husband.
My initial thoughts are to tone down the conversation. Maybe we should talk about the cold weather coming. But I ask for more detail. I confess that I am seriously about to cum in my pants. I confess that I am going to go jack-off. And what I love so much about this person is, her sense of humor and timing. She congratulates me on being able to get it up at my age.
In my mind, in my mid-life crisis mind, I am falling deeply in love* in a way that only people who understand New Relationship Energy can. Yet, this is a person who I have loved (not in a sexual way, of course) for years. And this NRE type of love could make an old guy do stupid things. It could make me ask her for her panties. Well you knew that wouldn't take long.
This isn't that situation where I'm packing my bags and leaving my wife. I don't stop looking for co-workers willing to sneak off and blow each other. I don't stop checking out my Tumblr or writing a blog about my intimate thoughts and sexual activities. I'm just saying, in all of the excitement of finding this person with very similar interests, I don't think it's a Corvette that I need to worry about.
*Don't freak out. My friend and I understand what I mean when I say this "love" word. This is not some romantic entanglement or lurid sex affair. We won't be "doing it", even if we could.