Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Paying For It...

A reader e-mailed me about a situation and wanted advice.  He met a lady on dating site and they agreed to a FWB sort of arrangement.  There was one slight modification to the benefits aspect.  Since they would meet exclusively at her home, she suggested that the money he would be spending on a hotel should go to her.  She explained that she was living on a fixed income and the money would be helpful to her.

I know; it sounds like prostitution, but I look at it like the cost of dinner and a movie that ends in sex.

I've written before about my one experience paying a sex worker.  It was a good thing to experience so I would know what I was talking about, but in terms of enjoyment or fulfillment of desire, it wasn't even worth the roughly $25 I paid.  I just haven't really had the need or more honestly, the opportunity to pay for sex, yet I am totally fascinated by the industry.

To be clear, I abhor the idea of human trafficking.  Women or men forced to do sex work, whether that be in the form of prostitution, porn, or even being forced to work for slave wages in a hotel or some other industry is just wrong.  I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about adults who knowingly make a decision to earn money in a way that is acceptable to them.  I fully support it and cannot understand why it is not completely legal.

If you watch TV or movies where one of the characters is a sex worker, they are either depicted as a skanky streetwalker or a glamorous $1,000 an hour call girl.  They never depict the single mom just trying to make ends meet or the wife trying to make some extra money while her husband is at work.  What is possibly wrong with the reader's situation where he offers his FWB some cash, cash he would have spent on a hotel anyway, to help her out?

Because I am constantly looking for the next thing to keep me entertained, I started doing research on Craigslist, Backpage and a few other sites that people use to advertise their services. To say that I have been fascinated is an understatement.  What I've learned is that, a good number of these folks are simply independent people trying to make some cash.  Instead of working for an agency, they work for themselves, scheduling dates and specifying what they will and won't do.  I was surprised at the number of advertisements from black women stating "Sorry, no black men."  I was also amazed that there was no real rhyme or reason to the pricing structure, at least based upon the pictures I saw.  Yes, if your turn-on is an overweight woman with missing teeth and a bad complexion, I guess you would be willing to pay $500 for an hour.  I'll pass.

There are women who will date in 15 minute increments.  Granted, that doesn't leave much time for conversation (which is what I would want, mostly), but I think you could get your other needs met in a hurry. Almost all the ads have little canned statements that state, the money is for the escort's time and travel, not for any sex.  Of course, you aren't getting sex unless you pay for their time.

Over the past week or so, I have skipped my usual Tumblr routine and even forgone many of my favorite blogs just so I could look through these ads.  I feel like it has become a new addiction.  I try to imagine the circumstances that led these people (I say people, not limiting it to women because for sure, there are men) to offer their time for appreciative customers. No doubt, some are on drugs.  You can look at the pictures they post and it is obvious they are in need of help.  But so many others look like your next door neighbor. Or the girl waiting your table.

My wife and I had breakfast at diner the other morning.  I became fixated on the hostess.  She was a young, I'm guessing under 22, thin Hispanic girl with high cheek bones, smallish boobs and a perfect ass.  I'm guessing she was making $8 or $9 an hour.  What if she went on just one one-hour date say 4 times a week.  Just using $200 cash for an hour (there were many that charged less, but many who charged a whole lot more), she could afford to work less shifts in the diner and perhaps go to school.

Later, I was in Lowe's buying some paint.  I stood at the counter and made eye contact with a mother of two teenagers.  I could not help but imagine how much I'd be willing to pay her just to spend some time talking, maybe kissing, maybe going down on her.  She could paint her daughter's room with what I would pay to paint her tits, so to speak.

If you've read this blog for any time at all, you know that I am fixated on infidelity.  From the wife who has needs her husband can't meet to the husband who craves something new from time to time, and those couples who realize that a little openness does not immediately mean the marriage is over.  I don't find people who stray to be bad per se.  Oh, they could be assholes for any number of reasons, but cheating just doesn't have to be the end of the world, in my mind.

Given this, I simply cannot understand society's double standard when it comes to sex work.  I'm not saying every man should go out and let some starving college student give him a hand job for $25.  Likewise, I just because a woman could make more in an hour than she does in a shift at work doesn't mean I think she should do the math and start blowing guys for cash.  But I do think that if adults choose to engage in the trade, we as society should not look down upon them.

By the way, it does occur to me now that in a way, I have engaged in this more than the one time.  If you recall the time I paid a lady for her panties, the transaction happened just as if it was a car date with an escort.  But instead of a handjob or a BJ, it was panties.  Money well spent.

What are your thoughts?  Is the reader with the FWB for the cost of a hotel making a mistake?  Am I completely out of my mind for being an advocate for sex workers?  Is there no way at all you would ever pay for sex?  I'd love to read your comments.  


Mike said...


As the advice requester,I can tell you that I've decided to take a "pass" on the woman. has nothing to do with the money thing, but I was just getting a weird vibe from her in other ways. For example, I do a bit of traveling for work and when she found that out, she was all over me to let her come with me on my business trips. Really?? yes, she would hang out at the hotel waiting for me. Hilarious. Had to explain to her that 1, I wasn't going to shell out a plane ticket for her, 2, my trips are designed to spend as little time as possible in whatever city I'm in so I'm not going to hang out in Grand Rapids for example killing time with her, and 3, All I want is access to her pussy once in awhile, and not some weird friendship thing. maybe that sounds harsh, but shit, she's on AFF so what did she expect?

Bruce Chang said...

You know, I've had something similar happen but with a few twists that greatly alter things. They both happened with guys (instead of girls) and the guys were in the early twenties. So this one guy worked at a 7 eleven and was going to college and he kept on wanting to have car sex and I'm just not to keen on getting caught nor the cramped quarters so I offered to get a room. He was like, give him the money that I would spend on a room and let's have car sex. Ha! That, however, was just a difference in point of view. He couldn't fathom spending money to have sex when he could do so much more with that money and I was more than willing to spend what to me what not that much money to have spend good time with him in a real bed. Then there's the other guy that hinted to me that he'd love to go with me to one of my work trips, that he'd go out and explore the city when I'm not there and we'd have crazy wild sex when I got back. That, I'm sure was just the fact that this guy is young and has never been on a plane, let alone be more than 100 miles away from home so the sense of travel was fascinating while I'm like meh, it's a work trip. This is a long way of saying, I don't think such things are uncommon. I just found it weird that she made it a condition for meeting up, but that's not so strange for straight relationships, even fuck buddies from what my friends tell me. There's that expectation that the guy pays the majority of things so I could see how she could take that one step further. And it's not that much different than my friends that have gone to Mexico and partied and slept with locals and send them home with a very generous cab fare money. On the one hand it you basically paid for sex but on the other hand, the money wasn't the condition for the sex.

Max said...

I've written about my one experience paying for sex:

JFBreak said...

Guys - I appreciate the comments. I'm sorry if I don't respond right away.

Max - that was a great read!

Bruce, as usual, your comments are on target and welcome.

Mike - well, you know. On to the next exciting thing!