Thursday, April 6, 2017

IGHIH and Other Observations...

I had this weird revelation as I was listening to the Tangentially Speaking podcast.  Chris Ryan, the guy who wrote Sex at Dawn, was interviewing Jenny Nordbak who has a book out about her work in a sex dungeon.  That alone is a fascinating conversation but what got me was a statement Dr. Ryan made regarding his first MFM threesome experience.  It had to do with how prior to this encounter, he had only seen the idea of sex parties, orgies, BDSM and threesomes as some sort of porn movie or what he got from porn.  In the actual moment while his friends were going at it and he was sort of sitting there watching the action, he realized it was more about trust and love and the confidence you have in the people you are sharing the moment with.

I've written in the past about the sexual details of our encounters with JD and other men, but the reality is, there is a lot of friendship and trust in those moments.  That isn't the sexy stuff you want to read in a sex blog, but any of you who have experienced a scene involving more than just your regular partner probably are tracking my point.  Yes of course, there are purely sexual encounters where it is just about getting off and being done.  But when you get into a routine where there is no longer that anticipation of will we fuck or won't we, it becomes more fun and about the relationship.

You'd be shocked at how much we talk about Mrs. JD for instance, or how much we discuss the mechanics of what we are doing.

There is something else I've learned about myself and that is I may have that Madonna/Whore complex thing going on with my wife (or maybe I'm a normal husband who has been married for over thirty years). I realized this with watching my wife interact with JD during blow jobs.

I'm the kind of guy who will sit back and just enjoy the feeling of being blown (take this last Tuesday at work when Co-worker H blew me in his office). I let the person doing the blowing do the work.  Turns out, when I suck a dick, that's what I want.  I want to control the dick, do everything involved in making that dick produce the outcome that works for both the giver and receiver.  Win, win.

I'm watching my wife as she playfully fondles JD's girth, licks his head and strokes his shaft.  She takes him and it is clear from her eyes and the look of pleasure on her face that she is enjoying the performance of it all.  But then it changes.

At some point, JD begins this process of taking responsibility for his own BJ.  The first time I witnessed this, I thought about intervening.  The idea of him grabbing her head and forcibly fucking her face; for me it has an almost misogynistic feel to it.  I'm at once shocked that I can stand to watch it, but relieved that my wife seems to enjoy it.

I've written in the past that one of my wife's cravings has been rough sex.  She wants to be used, be handled in a rough way, pressed against a wall and taken.  I can't do it and I just can't seem to make myself do it.

When the blow job is over and JD is sweaty and my wife is wiping cum from her cheek, they laugh about what has just taken place.  There is no misogyny, no pain or anger.

I fear that I have allowed my distaste for a lot of the porn that other people seem to like to taint my view of this sort of sex.  I despise the look of anger on the male performers faces as they fuck the moan, no, howling actress. Why are we all so angry? You are fucking.  Why do you hate the woman you are getting a blow job from?  If I could change one thing about all of porn - quit being so angry over sex.

Yet I talk to women who enjoy giving head and in fact enjoy the art of gagging to the point of tears.  If I had a dick big enough to make someone gag so much they puked, I'd be more likely to hold them and apologize rather than cum from pleasure.  Call me a fucking pussy if you will. Call me gay if you are the troll, but I just have this distaste for men appearing to harm women.  And yet, my wife is nothing but smiles after JD has rammed his thick cock in and out of her face, holding her head against the mattress and using her like a human flesh light.

What this relationship gives us is something I need and something my wife needs.  I will never be able to explain the pleasure I get from my wife engaging in sex with other men, but it isn't an itch that can be scratched with fantasy or simply watching someone else do it on the Internet.  That works initially but once you've experienced it, you must have the real thing.

My wife enjoys the occasional sex that this arrangement has brought her.  She is really okay with me sitting back and watching, with me leaving the room or with me being in her pussy while she sucks his cock.  But she also appreciates the friendship. People need friends who are not their spouse, and in this case, she knows I will not question the conversations they have drifting from landscaping the yard or dinner to pussy eating and cock sucking.

JD of course gets the stray he needs to maintain the marriage he has with Mrs JD and someone he can vent to.

I fill that role for some of you readers.  You tell me about your husbands or wives and I offer advice or just a different point of view.  We all benefit.  

By the way.  Skipping back to the top of this post and the podcast I was listening to.  I wasn't specifically listening because of the topic, a BDSM dungeon, that just happened to be the guest.  I just can't see myself engaging the services of one of these places either as a Dom or a sub, but I have to admit, the more I learn about the process, the more I am interested in the communication involved.
We vanilla people only have the view we've see from TV and stereotypes and, what I'm told is an amateur image given in Fifty Shades, but the truth, I'm learning, has a lot more to do with planning what will happen, working out limits, safe words, who will be doing what, and what the whole point of the session (or scene as they call it) is.  I wish this sort of communication had taken place when I lost my virginity at age fifteen.

I find humor in those short clips you see of this leather bound Dominatrix sneering at the man wearing the gimp mask and kicking him squarely in the balls.  The idea that a man would subject himself to that is both weird and funny to me.  Yet, I'm a guy who will gladly lick another mans seed from my wife pussy.

We are an interesting species.  What turns each of us on is inside our brains and it is going to get out one way or another.  You can stuff down that desire to stick a finger up your butt, but eventually, the soapy finger in a shower will win.  I ran from my bi desires for so long and eventually, when the penis entered my mouth for the first time (thanks, Pancho) I knew I could not live with MF sex alone.

These people who make it to the sex dungeon and enlist the services of Doms or subs have something that they need and they can't push it down forever.  Kudos to them.

That was quite a tangent filled post.  I'd appreciate your thoughts either in the comments or via the ol' e-mail.


Mrs Fever said...

I share your dislike for "angry" displays in mainstream porn. And I am quite the opposite of your wife - any man who tries to force my head or fuck my face is going to feel my teeth bite into his flesh until he quits that shit, then feel my boot in his ass as he's thrown out the door.

JFBreak said...

@Mrs Fever: I hear you. In defense of both JD and my wife, I would say that this is something that they've discussed before and when it is over, it is all giggles and smiles. I can't say we understand or follow the good order and discipline of BDSM scenes where everything is agreed to upfront, but in their case, I think it is a topic of conversation. Truth is, the primary form of sexual activity when JD can't meet with us is my wife talk him through a jack session. In this sexting, there is a lot of fantasy talk about these various issues. When he cums, she laughs and tells me what a dork he is.

I guess we are all into different things. I can't get into the "angry face", yet I do understand why some women appreciate a good rape fantasy. It's all a game.