Friday, June 16, 2017

Anger

Dear Attitude Adjuster,

I've been angry recently. That's not like me at all.  I can't pinpoint the start but there has just been this under tone of a seething anger.  Stressful, tiring, and I can't seem to shake it.

If you were to spend time with me, you probably wouldn't notice.  I'm very good at burying my moods.  Aside from the occasional person asking me if I'm stressed, I think I'm otherwise not one of those people who comes across as angry.  I'm not the first guy you look at and think post office shooting.  

This was a four day weekend for me and I purposely did not bring my work laptop home.  On Friday I spent time with my wife and some of the grandkids.  That evening, we went to the little bar down the street and had dinner.  While there, we thought about maybe taking an overnight trip to a casino a few hours away but that thought ended when we saw the casino hotel was booked. 

The next morning, I suggested we take a day trip to one of the many small Texas towns that has tried to revitalize itself with Main street shops and boutiques.  

The drive was okay but I found myself quietly becoming aggravated at the conversations my wife initiated.  Just complaints about people.  Sort of like me, complaining  about her right now.  

I just wanted to enjoy the drive without a running commentary about everything that pisses her off.  

When we got to the town and parked, I immediately copped an internal negative attitude about the shops we would visit.  I totally understand the need for business to make money, but I'm flabbergasted at the sheer gall some of these people have to charge what they charge for little Pinterest style crafts or crap they buy in bulk for pennies.  

I think there are super rich people who will come in and think dropping $50 for something that should cost $7 or $8 is fine.  I just don't.  And people wonder why Walmart is so successful.  Well, low prices and little Chinese kids working for a nickel a week.  

Anyway, I found myself really acting internally like an asshole and I didn't want to ruin my wife's time.  She truly enjoyed the day and irritatingly thanked me half a dozen times for surprising her with the day trip.  We went onto an art shop that was really nice.  A lot of the art was just shit, but there were some pieces that I felt would look nice in our home.  And then I started looking at the prices.  There was one wall with paintings of from the same artist.  Never heard of him but he was good.  But $2,500 for a painting that isn't as good as some of the high school student artwork I see at the Rodeo each year?  I so understand the time and skill that goes into it, but I thought it was just a hobby.

I did see a few photographs that were nice.  There was a black and white of an old bridge that crosses the Colorado River.  It was a nice picture but they wanted $275 (without the frame).  The funny thing was, the lady at the counter in the store right next door to the art gallery sold us post cards with the same bridge picture, but presented in color for $1.49.  That lifted my spirits, actually.  

As an aside, we easily blew $100 on ridiculous things that will no doubt be sold at a garage sale for pennies or more likely donated to the children's home.  

On Sunday my wife insisted that I go with her to get a pedicure.  Not going to lie, it feels good to have an Asian lady massage my feet and calves.  Too bad they all have small boobs.  Of course I look down their shirts.  That aside, there is definitely a stress relief in the whole process.  

I'm looking forward to going back to work This morning.  I feel like I need to get in the zone of my work and just take my mind off whatever it is that seems to be on my mind.  I can't figure out why, but going back to work just might be what I need to pull myself out of this funk.  

I'm rarely angry.  But when I am, I usually know why.  This has been different.  I'm going to count to ten, hit send and be done with this, whatever it is.  Wish me luck.

Over it,

JFB

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