Friday, June 16, 2017

Compersion

Dear Jealousy,

I don't know why I missed the ding of my phone as I was driving but when I stopped into a store on the way home, I realized I had missed a handful of messages from my wife.  No words, just pictures of JD's dick in her mouth, between her tits, on her stomach.

I sent a note back, "Still there?"

She responded, "Drinking a beer."

I had missed my chance to join in but in truth, I'm good with that.  Compersion is that feeling of joy you get when your partner experiences pleasure. It really is the opposite of jealousy,

Later that evening, my wife asked me if I wanted to get off.  I felt the urge but I was also tired.  She told me she was sorry I didn't make it in home in time to do that thing I like to do, but I said it was fine.

I truly don't have to be present to feel included as long as she tells me about it or sends pictures.  She asked what I do with the pictures.  Do I jack off?  Not really.  I look at them and just enjoy the moment.

If someone had not come up with this term, compersion, to describe the feeling, I'm not sure I could ever explain it.

I've never really been into the current stereotype of "cuckold" which you will find in porn or on a lot of sex blogs and forums these days.  I just don't need the whole concept of this humiliated, sissified, wimp of a husband who helplessly watches the stronger bull fuck his wife.  I mean, by definition, I am a cuckold, but I prefer to think of our relationship as the Hotwife variety. Or, how about simply stating that we are open to a non-traditional arrangement.

We have fun when the three of us, me, my wife and our friend JD, get together.  There is a lot of laughter, playfulness and of course, pleasure.

The idea that when the two of them are alone, they have a different experience together, doesn't escape me, nor does it bother me.  I'm simply not jealous of that time.  Yet, this confuses my wife.  She bends over backwards to initiate the conversation afterwards.  Do I have questions, concerns, am I still okay. Do I need different pictures, do I want them to do or not do a particular thing when I'm not present.

I have come to a realization and my wife is frank about the fact that there are things JD does for her that I cannot.  I accept this and instead of feeling less of a husband, I'm actually pretty happy that I am open to her having the pleasure JD provides her.

This compersion is something that more couples could use to make a stronger relationship.  Imagine if a wife did not get upset upon learning that on a business trip, her husband used a sex worker to engage in a kink that she herself does not offer on the menu?  What if instead she encouraged that behavior?   The wife won't blow him, but if he can have that occasional BJ away from her, aren't they both much happier?

When I come home and my wife tells me that she spanked JD so hard she left welts on his ass, I'm happy for both of them.  I'm good with light slaps to the balls, but I have no desire to give or receive such punishment to my ass cheeks.  Are we not all then benefiting from this arrangement?

Interestingly, I heard a conversation on one of the podcasts I follow where they just mentioned casually that open relationships are becoming more and more open.  That is to say that, society is realizing that this is more than just some 1960's free love thing for hippies, but that more people are openly admitting to and recognizing the value of these arrangements, however they manifest themselves.

In the past week we've watched House of Cards and Orange is the New Black.  Everyone knows that Claire Underwood, the President's wife has a lover, with the his complete acceptance.  In one of my favorite scenes this season, Frank confronts his wife's lover and says, "Don't cheat on my wife."

And on OITNB, there were two story lines following polyamorous arrangements,  One, a woman with a husband and a much younger lover, another a Muslim woman who in flashbacks relives her husband taking on a younger second wife that she herself instigated.

We can all agree that Hollywood tends to push the envelop in a way that some people argue "forces" lifestyles on us, but to those of us living this situation, it doesn't seem forced at all.

For now, JD is a fixture in our relationship.  Our time with him is very limited, which I think all three of us agree is both frustrating but good.  Where I originally approached this from the perverted aspect of getting off on seeing my wife with another guy, something I've enjoyed nearly the entire tenure of our marriage, I now grasp the emotional value of this relief valve for all of us.  This is nothing to be jealous of for me.

Happy to watch, happy to hear about it,

JFB

3 comments:

lovetosubmit said...

Great post. I too feel "compersion" when my life is with a lover. I know it seems weird, but I get more "angst" from her texting her lovers than actually having sex with them. I guess because I want to know what's going on, what they are talking about. My wife's self esteem soars when she has younger MILF-loving studs after her. And I'm really glad she has experienced a variety of men. As she says, one thing we all have in common is we love blow jobs. LOL. It binds us all.

Actually when she is with a lover, I only feel concern for her safety and that she enjoys herself. It's a great escape for her, as she can't exactly relax at home, someone always demands something from her here. It's like a "spa day" where she can get away and be carefree - and I'm happy for her about that.

I have received photos of her playing. Hands down my favorite is her sucking the head of his cock with her left hand wrapped around his shaft with the wedding ring I gave her easily visible. So erotic to see a married woman enjoying sex.

what's happening with JD? Is he moving? Cheers

lovetosubmit said...

Oh, forgot to comment on the label thing. I prefer the word "cuckold" partly because it seems a bit naughtier and I think it better reflects the one-sidedness of "our" extramarital sex play - that is, I am monogamous to her but she can explore other men. During sex, I do love being called names (love all dirty talk as a matter of fact), and I really loved it when she called me "slave" (doesn't really do that anymore).

I realize that "cuckold" has some humiliation type of connotations, and that's not really what we do, but I just enjoy the term quite a bit, especially during sex play. "Hotwife hubby" doesn't quite do it during that time, although I guess both are accurate.

JFBreak said...

Thanks for your comments. I completely understand that feeling of angst with regards to those text conversations you are not part of. I think that dissipates with time. I also think that in our case, my wife is thoughtful enough to share recaps of those conversations. Obviously, not a line by line recap, but the gist.

You and I both share that wedding ring turn-on. I would say hands down, when I see images of naughty married women in any state of undress with or without a man involved, the wedding ring is a focal point. Especially when the fingers find themselves wrapped around a cock!

As for your question with JD - he is here and no plans to move in the foreseeable future as far as we know.

I completely follow you on the cuckold term. It's funny how words over the years get twisted into alternate meanings. The most obvious example is "gay". Your use, to show that one-sidedness of play is very accurate from my understanding historically. I just shy away from the more modern context denoting the sissified, cage-wearing, down on your knees version often depicted these days. I don't have any negative thoughts regarding that form of BDSM, it just doesn't fit our model.

Thanks for your comment!