When you first came to me, nervously wanting to confess something you thought might have an impact on your job, I was quick to ease your mind that all would be okay. Of course, I was convinced you were about to confess that you were either gay or bi. I did my best to make your confession easier by jumping the gun and announcing that, surprise, I'm bi!
You were polite in acknowledging my sexuality but then took a deep breath and reported that in addition to being happily married, you and your wife had both agreed that life would be even better if you were open to explore relationships with others. In fact, you revealed, your wife had a steady boyfriend that she was seeing, and that you had also engaged in some fun times with other friends.
Not to be outdone, I quickly shrugged my shoulders and revealed that my wife also has a boyfriend. We never allowed ourselves to go any deeper into details, but I assured you everything would be fine. I then offered what I consider to be the rules.
1. Never lie about it. If you are asked directly, do not lie about your situation.
2. Refuse to be blackmailed. If someone attempts to hold your lifestyle against you, simply go to your leadership and out yourself.
The reason you see all these former military leaders and high officials appearing before congress and being fired from their jobs is not so much that they enjoy sex outside the marriage, but because they lie about it when confronted. If you intended to be in the military and play this game, you cannot lie about it when confronted, and you cannot make yourself a security risk because you are not willing to reveal yourself when the circumstances require it.
During your recent promotion ceremony, you invited both your wife and your girlfriend to attend the occasion. Aside from the small number of people who know your arrangement, no one was the wiser that the friend helping your wife during the ceremony was more than just a friend of the family.
Any further detail is way too much. I just want to congratulate you on being better at this than me and better than so many of the people who start down this path. Everyone agrees that the key to success is communication. You and your wife and her boyfriend and your girlfriend have demonstrated the ability to communicate in a way that allows each of you to enjoy positive relationships both inside the marriage and out.
I wish you'd write a blog.
Respect to you and yours.