Dear Sun-Goddess Next Door,
I'm a horrible neighbor. You don't know this but first, my wife corrupts the foreign family on the other side of us by flashing her tits. Now, I have this confession about you.
I've noticed for a while that you have sheets strategically placed over panels of the privacy fence between our yards. At first, I told my wife I thought it was some new home and garden technique to spiffy up the back yard. I mean, after all, you are a designer. I learned that when I stalked your Facebook page.
Anyway, about two weeks ago I was upstairs in my man cave and just happened to look out the back window into your yard. The sheets covering the fence all made sense now that I could actually look down into your yard and see you sunbathing. Topless.
In fairness to me, a) I'm a voyeur and b) you are extraordinarily beautiful. I see you some mornings coming back from the gym as I'm leaving for work. Your dedication to a fit life is working because in spite of you being close to fifty, you easily outshine women half your age.
It's only too bad (for me) that because of the angle peering out through the window and the fact that I don't have super-power eyes that allow them to work like binoculars, I could only get a nice view of side-boob that day.
But yesterday, I took the dog out back and casually caught a glimpse through one of the fence panels that didn't have a sheet covering the tiny spaces between boards, and I saw some movement in your yard. Of course I quietly retreated and went back upstairs for a peek out the window.
I've always enjoyed you in the yoga pants you wear, but it was especially nice to see you on your stomach wearing a thong with your perfect ass cheeks facing my direction.
I know it is completely unneighborlike of me to admire you from afar, but there is one thing I feel like I need to tell you: Don't forget the sunscreen.