Thursday, July 27, 2017

Three Years...

I had to go back and look at a string of old e-mails with a friend of mine to make an accurate calculation of the date. It has been over three years since the last time I had "contact" with another guy. It wasn't as if I was active in my bisexual sex-life on a grand scale in the first place, but once I had found the nerve to try, I just figured I would find a way for it to happen at least a few times a year.

There is always porn and the list of blogs I read almost daily to keep me going.

I also found that simply sharing with others is a huge release, mentally. There was a long series of e-mail messages between a "naughty neighbor" of mine where we basically confessed our deepest secrets to one another. There was probably little chance that we would ever meet up for for sex but the thrill of someone who knows my wife, knows my real life, reading all the details of our threesomes and of course, my encounters with others guys was such a huge emotional release for me. And of course, the details of her own naughty adventures, just knowing this was someone I knew in person and to read about her fucking co-workers and such; total turn on.

Over the past three years, I have "come-out" to several people. Gay people, anyway. Most recently, a young lesbian who is a friend of my daughter. During a weekend visit, I strayed from my normal sobriety and enjoyed several beers as my wife, daughter and several other guests played in the jacuzzi. The young lesbian and I spent some time philosophizing and she shared with me the trials and tribulations of being gay in the military. At some point during the conversation, I looked around to make sure we were completely alone and I said, "I will deny this conversation ever happened." Then I asked, "How is your Gaydar?" She looked at me for a few puzzled seconds and then nodded and said, "Okay. It's our secret." We went on to drink a few more beers and while I had an immediate sense of relief, like many ejaculations in my life, the relief was followed by remorse.

I don't have any real urgent need to live my life as an openly bisexual man. I don't require the legal rights that I believe regular gay people aren't afforded since, I'm already married and don't plan to change that. Coming completely out doesn't do anything for me and would serve to slightly complicate some things. Would I be disowned by my family? Not likely. My kids? Doubtful. My wife? She knows already.

I have been toying with telling a few different people I work with. Honestly, the truth is, I have been hoping that by telling, they would allow me to suck their dicks. I guess it doesn't really work that way in real life.

More details to follow.

Anyone ever share their secret with the wrong person and have it come back to bite you in the ass?


naughty ex-neighbor said...

We need to get back to our secret-swapping. I just get a little freaked out. I'll explain in an e-mail, I guess?? I miss it, though.

Not sure what to say about talking to people at work, though. I'm the last person who should give advice about life matters. I'm a friggin' mess myself. LOL talk to you soon.

JFBreak said...

And that was cause for a sudden erection!