It could be that you're sexualizing conversations when it becomes intimate in order to keep it away from being truly intimate.
You probably understand this well: Intimacy means revealing your secrets, making yourself vulnerable by revealing your secrets, and thus trusting the other person to connect with you in honest way. I suspect you don't do that with your wife--and probably never have. And not really with anyone, for that matter. I suspect that one of things going on is that you feel lonely but can't quite put your finger on why that is, or even identify what you're feeling, a sort of existential angst, as loneliness. Intimacy is mental and emotional, not physical. We call sexual connection intimacy because that's suppose to be a secretly shared activity--but it's really not. Real intimacy is all in your head, and it happens when you make yourself vulnerable and the other person honors that.
I'm constantly looking for a label to define myself. I'm Bi, I'm a freak, I'm this or that. I'm not sure why I seek to find answers to who or what I am. I should just accept that I am me.