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Friday, February 17, 2023

Catch Me If You Can...

 I looked at my phone as it lit up and saw there was a text from my wife, early afternoon on Wednesday.  It simply said, 3:30.  Catch me if you can.

I checked my schedule and there was really not a big reason for me to stick around at work, aside from all the work I needed to do.  But as they say, the work will be there tomorrow.  I grabbed my things and headed out a little early, knowing I'd still hit traffic on the drive out of twon and out to our place.

When I came up on our driveway, I could see JD had parked his truck in the usual spot.  We have one of those long driveways that has a parking area cut into it.  It makes it easier when we have guests to park but still leave the rest of the driveway clear.  The only reason this is relevant to the story is, JD's truck is always parked in this spot which is in clear view of the neighbors dining room and kitchen windows.

I pulled in and rather than go in the front door, I slipped into the back yard and quietly walked up to the bedroom window.  The action was already ongoing.  I could hear my wife loudly moaning as well as the slapping of bodies together.  Unfortunately, I couldn't see a thing.  The curtains were pulled shut.

I quietly opened the back door and could hear music playing, so I felt good that sneaking in would be made a lot easier.  Through the living room I peered around the corner to the bedroom, and sure enough, my wife was bent over the foot of the bed and JD was ramming her from behind.  I tiptoed past the door and set my things down in the kitchen, thinking surely they had heard me by now, but apparently not.  

I quietly walked into the room, directly behind JD still grunting and pounding, and slowly took a seat on the lounge, my usual spot for watching the action.  Just as I settled down, JD unloaded his balls into my wife's pussy.  Still in her, he leaned forward over her back with his arms on the bed and let out a chuckle.  "Oh my God, I needed that." he said. 

As they were breathing hard my wife whispered to him, "Look behind you."

JD turned around and was shocked to see me sitting there with a grin on my face. "Well hello there." I offered.

We all had a good laugh and JD moved himself to the bed and laid there while my wife remained standing in the position she was in.  He asked if she was going to lay down but she told him she was just letting it all soak in.  She then turned and looked at me as if to ask if I wanted seconds.  After half a minute or so, she also laid on the bed.  She knows all about my fetish of clean-up after JD has filled her.  She lifted her knees up and parted her legs a bit.

"He really left a lot in me.  Are you sure you don't want to clean things up?" she offered.

"I'm good."  I said.

I could write several paragraphs or pages about my sudden drop or loss of interest in engaging in sex acts with my wife.  I've had several of the low-T blood tests, my doctors have reviewed my meds for issues, but the reality of it all comes down to my relationship outside of the bedroom with her.  Add in a bunch of depression and this is where we are.  But I am not going to let that take away from the enjoyment we both get from JD's visits.  She needs the sex and the friendship she has with him, and frankly, I still get off on the entire taboo of it all.  

The two of them laid there, and we laughed about the fact that, apparently ten minutes earlier, JD had heard the house settling or something and thought for sure I was coming in.  Apparently he was face down in my wife while this happened.  She told me that instead of slipping in and sitting down, I should have smacked JD's ass really hard right as he was coming.    "Actually, I think I would have liked that!" he said.

The conversation switched to the neighbors.  We have this running theory that they have to have figured out what is going on.  I mean, let me give you the facts and you decide.  JD shows up several times a month, and many times once a week.  He parks his truck, walks into the front door, and when he leaves, my wife walks out with him and my wife kisses him goodbye, there at his truck.  There are times when he leaves and I pass him on the road, so I'm arriving within minutes of him having just left.  Doesn't that sound suspicious if you are a neighbor?

Now, throw in that like this past Wednesday, I show up while he is still there, and when he leaves, we all walk out together and my wife still kisses him goodbye.  If you were our neighbors, would you not be a little suspicious?  As we continued to talk, JD said in a pretend country voice "They're swingers!"

The conversation went on for another twenty minutes or so talking about JD's son and his wife.  We joked about what he and his wife did for Valentine's Day.  He brought her flowers and some candy.  He masturbated out in the garage that night.  She got drunk.

As we talked, he had been rubbing her clit with his fingers and when he got a nice reaction, he pulled out the Magic Wand from under a pillow.  Still laying down, he played with her a bit and when she started becoming really aroused, the conversation drifted away and he was standing over her, wand in one hand, his fingers darting in and out of her pussy, intensified by the vibration of the toy.  It took all of five minutes for her to cum again, very loudly.  JD looked back at me and smiled.  "Do you think the neighbors heard that?"

"I doubt it. They are probably on the Internet looking at Swinger porn."  

I'd be a liar if I didn't confess to staring at JD's thick cock.   He and I continued to joke about the neighbors as he found his underwear on the floor and while facing me, just three feet away from me, put them on.  It isn't that his dick is so long, but it is thick.  Very thick.   

Him starting to get dressed signaled for my wife that the date was coming to an end.  She got up from the bed and grabbed the assortment of toys that had been scattered across their play area, and headed into the bathroom.  I got up and went to the outdoor refrigerator to grab some beers.

It's funny.  The sex conversations were over and we seamlessly shifted into the friendly discussions about home improvements, work, taxes, the usual stuff.  After a beer, we got up and walked out the front door, to JD's truck and we all looked over at the neighbor's house.  No movements in the windows.  The two of them kissed goodbye and he was off on his way home.

Friday, December 2, 2022

The First Date

 I put up a re-post of the time a good deed in giving a co-worker a ride home led to a nice little reward and you can read it here.  The time line is similar to what I'm about to tell you now.  

I had a lot of things going on during this time.  My wife and I were getting very close to the point of actually moving from the phase of fantasy talk about sex with another man.  Our bedtime conversations, centered around a close buddy of ours, a former co-worker of mine who happened to be going through a divorce.  He had already moved out of his house and into an apartment.

To give some backstory, several years earlier, this guy had lent me a porn tape that featured a cul de sac of families where the wives were all sneaking around fucking all the husbands.  This was the first time I started up with the idea of my wife and I trying wife swapping or anything like that.  My suggestion to swap with the couple next door to us, very close friends, was immediately shot down by my wife.

My suggested ideas for moving toward this lifestyle took quite a path of fantasies - delivery guy, maintenance guy, all the usual strangers who might have sex with my wife while I was at work.  After years of these conversations in bed, our fantasy narrowed down to this one guy, and the bonus was, he was someone who spent a lot of time with us.  

He would come over to watch basketball games which meant we'd drink a few beers and chit chat.  He and I had established an understanding well before this that one, I got off to the idea of him sleeping with my wife, and two, he seriously wanted to fuck my wife.  Bonus, my wife loved flirting with him all the time.  Added bonus, this is back in the day of Polaroid Cameras, my wife would let me share naughty pics we'd taken with him.  This was the perfect caldron of sexual tension brewing. 

So as I established in the post about Carpooling, I worked shift work which often meant, I was working during holidays.  We had just finished the Christmas holiday and a day or two before New Year's Eve, my buddy called me and asked if I'd consider letting my wife go out with him.  He was going to be all alone, and since I was going to be working over night on Christmas Eve, my wife would be home alone with the kids.  If she could get a sitter, maybe she and him could go for a drink and at least not feel left out.  

My response to him was, "Yes! And maybe you two could have sex!"

Of course, I was serious and he knew I was.  When I asked my wife what she thought, she was dismissive of the idea.  But within a day or two of talking about it, she was setting rules.  She'd go with him to a bar, but they were strictly friends, there'd be no tomfoolery, no shenanigans, and certainly, no sex between them.

On New Year's Eve, the young sitter arrived, I got ready to head into work, and my wife reassured me several times that nothing was going to happen.  I on the other hand told her at least a dozen times that if anything did happen to happen, I just wanted to know the details.  This is back way before cell phones and instant messaging.  So I made her promise that as soon as she got home, to call me at work.

I had an erection that lasted more than three hours without the use of any medicinal help.

When I got to work, it was me, the carpool lady and one other NCO.  He told us that nobody expected anything work wise and that he was probably going to set himself up on the couch in our break area and sleep.  I could not have been more pleased with his laziness.

It just so happened that the carpool lady had plans for our own New Years celebration and she had brought in several of those little mini sampler bottles of whiskey.  By 10PM she had already gone to the restroom and removed both her bra and panties and was dressed in her Air Force blue blouse and blue skirt.  

My hard-on continued.  

I had been telling her little details about how I really wanted to have a threesome with my wife and this buddy of ours.  And in fact, as we sat there at work sipping on mini bottles of Jack Daniels, the two of them were on a date.   

For some reason, this little revelation upset her.  Her reasoning was, if it was supposed to be a threesome, why did the two of them get to go out and have sex by themselves?  I tried to assure her that, while I told them both I didn't mind, I doubted very seriously that would happen.  Maybe kissing.

By now, our NCO in charge was sound asleep and the two of us were off in our area.  My co-worker was scooting down in her seat and raising her skirt to show off her beautiful Hispanic pussy.  She kept telling me it wasn't fair that my buddy was probably eating my wife's pussy as we speak. And before long, I was eating my co-worker's pussy and she had no problem grinding her married cunt into my face.  This wasn't the first time we had played this game, and it wasn't the last.

After probably 45 minutes of back and forth, me eating her, her sucking my dick, me licking her nipples, her sucking my dick, we were startled by some movement in the monitor that showed the front door of the office.  We hurriedly got ourselves together, tucked now empty whisky bottles into her purse and I raced to the front area only to realize it was one of the military security guys making his rounds.  

The NCO did not wake up during this at all, and I walked over to the TV that was on in the lounge and switched the channel to one of the New Year's Eve celebrations.  No doubt Dick Clark at the time.

My co-worker had had enough fun for the night and said she was going back to the ladies room to put her bra and panties on, and so she did.  I eventually went and washed the pussy smell off my face and sat waiting for the phone to ring.  

I often go back and think about those days of waiting agonizingly for the phone to ring for some important news.  These days, if the phone doesn't ring, you just text message the person and say, "Any news?"

Around 1AM, the phone rang and it was my wife telling me she was home and going to bed.  Of course I asked.  "Did you do it?"

My co-worker sat there giving me the look of, "Tell me, tell me!"

"No, we didn't do it.  I'll tell you everything when you get home.  Happy New Year's!"

I would learn the next day that my wife and my buddy went to two different bars.  They went to one bar that was known as a "swingers bar" back then.  They were intrigued at the people all older, you know, like in their 40's and 50's.  But aside from a bunch of people having a normal NYE party, there was no sex taking place.

They stopped in at another bar that had the same sort of party atmosphere amongst the regulars which made my wife and buddy feel a little out of place.

Eventually, they made their way back to his apartment.  While this could have a been a perfect opportunity for them to fuck, they were both worried that I might have a negative reaction.  According to my wife, and I still believe it (since I asked him for details the next day, and it was pretty close), they did kiss and make out a bit.  Eventually, they laid on the carpet of the living room and he played with her tits through her shirt and bra.  She rolled on top of him and she could feel his erection as they dry humped.  

I was of course, disappointed in that, I would have loved to have my wife tell me they had incredible sex.  But, the good news was, that date was enough to give her confidence that I really did want this to happen.  It was not long after the date that the three of us had our first MFM threesome.

As for the co-worker, it wasn't too much longer after that the carpooling thing took place.  I would learn later that she had had actual sex with several of the guys in the office.  Everyone agreed she had a great pussy.  Oh, how I loved the 1990's.

Thursday, December 1, 2022

Carpooling...


I first posted this story in 2009 I think.  I have changed the timeline to reflect time, but the rest of it remains pretty much the same.
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Years ago, probably 30 years ago now, I was still in the military and my wife worked managing a restaurant. We both worked different shifts, and we managed it quite well to allow us to have at least one of us home to take the kids to school and pick them up without the need - or very little need for daycare. Saved a lot of money and we felt (and still do feel) that it was better for our kids.

For about a month, I had been given this young lady to help train. She was smart but just wasn't doing well in training and she was going through some personal issues at home. Over the first week or so, we got her on track and training was going well, well enough that we could spend some time getting to deal with her personal issues. She told me these stories about her husband (who was also in the military), who would come home, put on a thong and sit in front of the TV playing video games for hours and hours, then out of nowhere, he would jump up and run to the restroom to jack-off. Once complete, it was back to the PlayStation!

Her willingness to provide such an intimate (and funny) look into her life was just enough to push me over the line of professionalism and to begin the sex discussions that I loved so much during late nights in an office with less than a handful of people anywhere around.

This would be the gal who, at the mere suggestion of it, would show up to work in her uniform wearing a skirt with no panties and flash me her bare pussy constantly for an entire shift! Once we had crossed that line, it was a given that she would blow me in the office and I would go down on her incredible pussy as a co-worker snoozed on the couch in our break area.

Toward the end of our time working together she had called me one night before going into a mid-shift and asked if it was possible to give her a ride home in the morning. Seemed there were car issues and while her husband could take her to work, he himself would be at his job and unable to give her a ride home in the morning. Not a problem.

Aside from a few shared sexual secrets that night, we were all work and at the end of the shift when it was time to go home, I had no indication that she had something in store for me. We pulled into her apartment complex and I found a spot in front of her building and pulled in, then basically wished her a good morning (at was about 7:30AM) expecting her to get out. Instead she said, "Oh, I was hoping to show you something - it will only take a minute." I looked at my watch and I guess purely out of politeness turned off the car and walked up the stairs to her apartment with her.

We walked in and I basically stood in the living room and asked her what it was she wanted to show me. She said "Just give me a minute, let me go get it." I started thinking that perhaps she had purchased me a card or a small gift for helping her with her training. While I waited for a few minutes, I noticed the video game controllers sitting in front of the TV and couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of her husband (who I had never met) sitting there in a thong.

The next thing I know, out comes my little trainee, totally nude walking towards me. Like my wife, she was Hispanic, had the same body color and skin tones. This was the first time I had seen her with her hair down and I had no idea just how smokin' hot her body was. Military uniforms tend to hide a lot of details!

My jaw must have been hovering around my knees. She said "I just wanted to thank you. But no kissing, no cumming in my mouth or hair, and I can't let you fuck me." Aside from the obvious shock, I was wondering if she had prearranged this with her husband, given the set of rules.

I was literally shaking. Sure, I had done naughty things with other women during my marriage - the occasional flash, a few friendly kisses with friends - but never anything like this. Suddenly, it was like she was the instructor; "Don't you want to play?"

She reached for my belt and helped me unfasten my BDU's, and soon my pants and underwear were stacked around my ankles, boots still on, and she was sucking on my rock hard dick. After a minute or so, I pulled her by her underarms up, then I proceeded to kneel down and attack her awesome pussy. Though she had very similar features to my wife, she had these incredibly large pussy lips that almost gave the sensation of sucking a small cock. Why women get surgery to have this "fixed" is beyond me. Anyway, we fondled and sucked one another for maybe 5-10 minutes at the most before I turned her around and rubbed my dick along her ass crack. I wanted to fuck her so bad. I bent her over and again dropped down and licked her pussy from behind, then lifted up and rubbed my dick across it to see how she would react.

She said, "I'm not allowed to fuck you." With that, I shot my load all over her back, ass, and unfortunately in her hair. That was it. She said "Thanks for the ride home" and promptly walked back down the hall to the restroom, leaving me to pull up my pants and let myself out.

God, she was hot.

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There is more to this story and I have been thinking of it recently.  Expect another post soon.

Monday, June 27, 2022

Hot Saturday Night!

 It has been a while, that's for sure.  Between a series of family visitors, schedule conflicts and other normal things, it has been well over a month or so since my wife was able to enjoy a visit from our friend, JD.  But the stars all aligned and this past Saturday evening, he was free to meet us for a nice evening that including drinks at our local pub followed by some relaxing hot tub time, and then, an incredible session of sex where I both played the voyeuristic husband, and participant in the action.

I do want to talk briefly about my desire to watch.  If you read a lot of my posts in the past (many since deleted), I've talked about medical things and such.  At the urging of a reader here, I finally wen't to one of the those bloodwork places and paid the $68 to get a LowT test.  Sure enough, my levels were significantly lower than normal for my age.  At this point, I'm waiting to hear back from my regular doctor to see what is next.  

I think the way it has impacted me is, while I have a great interest in sexuality, for me it is more of an interest like perhaps you might have in certain hobbies.  Think of a guy with a great interest in vintage muscle cars.  You sure want to see what is under the hood of that '68 Camaro,  but you no longer have the idea to reach in, pull out the alternator or change the plugs.  For me, that is the same reason why I really enjoy reading the blogs, listening to podcasts and, watching another guy fuck my wife.  

I do get boners, the key thing is, I just don't have that same drive I had before.  Sure, I'd like to be one of those horny guys who can't keep their hands off grandma, but for right now, I'm happy to be the horny guy who sits back and watches.

So back to the story.  On Saturday, we had drinks, caught up on life and such, then headed back to the house, just a mile down the road.  Once there, I pulled our little utility vehicle out of the garage and we took a ride to the back of the property where I had left a prepared fire barrel ready to go.  For those of you who don't live out in the country, it is pretty common to burn all your paper and cardboard products since the local garbage folks don't do recycling.  It's an excuse to make a fire, is what I'm really saying.

I had this idea that we'd sit out far away from where anyone could see, and perhaps someone would get the urge for getting naked out there.  But between the fact that it was still in the 90's even long after the sun had gone down, that wasn't happening.  We let the fire burn down to a safe level in the barrel and headed back to the house.  My wife opened up the tub, and she decided she wanted to take a shower on the out door deck.  She stripped and got the dust and sweat off her and motioned for JD to join her.  As I ran into the house to grab towels, he followed her into the shower.  I returned, completely nude.  You have to understand, our back patio is very private.  As I was explaining to a friend, the neighbors on one side would have to make a big effort to look onto our patio.  Granted, if they happen to be out in their yard peering toward my enclosed shower, and looking through the slats, yes, they could see.  But not at night.

Our tub is set on the lower heating level for the summer, but even then, the temperature was around 93 degrees.  That is cool enough to keep you from sweating, but warm enough that you won't feel cold if a breeze comes through.  We all climbed in, and probably spent close to an hour just continuing our conversations about kids, work, normal things naked people talk about while sitting in a hot tub.  

Eventually, my wife made that look she makes when she is ready for the real party to start.  I got out of the tub first and went into the bedroom and put on some music, set my phone on the lounge that sits in the corner of the room.  This is my preferred seating for the show that was about to begin.  

In a moment, the two of them walked in, but still nude by now dried off.  JD laid down on the bed and looked over at me and smiled.  It is funny how we have this way of communicating with facial expressions and winks and such.  I know there are some couples where the third guy is supposed to be the husband's rival or some form of bad guy.  But in our case, we both know what we are getting from this arrangement.  No animosity, no rivalry, none of that.  We are both getting pleasure and we are both happy about it.  I love that JD has the thicker cock, and I love that my wife craves his tongue on her pussy.  If he didn't have those two attributes, I don't think he would have lasted this long.

When my wife looked at JD smiling at me, she said, "I'm going to need you down here."  She laid back and JD took his position with his knees on the carpet and his head between her legs.  

For the next 20 minutes or so, he gave her several loud orgasms.  The man works magic on her pussy.  During the course of this play, he got up and grabbed a package he had brought with him.  In addition to the bottle of wine and box of chocolates, he had a new vibrator that is to be inserted in the vaginal, but then also vibrates outside on the pubic area.  It is quite fancy.  With this device going, yet another orgasm came quickly.  

My wife proposed a sixty-nine position with one of her trusty vibrators inserted.  The new one was placed in the bathroom sink while the next toy was retrieved.  My wife asked me if I had a good view and I nodded with with a smile.

As JD continued the assault of her pussy with both his tongue and the vibrator, my wife had lost herself on his thick cock, though based on the loud moans coming from her mouth, I'm not sure how good of a BJ he was receiving.

At one point my wife reached back quickly and batted JD away from her pussy.  She screamed out their playful safe word and they both laughed.  

You should be aware that, during this time, as I sat back and watched, I slowly stroked my cock, occasionally pulled on my balls and enjoyed the show.  There were occasional comments back and forth.  My wife was doing her best to make sure that I was comfortable, that I could see what I wanted to see and that I wasn't losing interest.  You have to keep in mind that, primarily due to timing, I had not actually watched these two in action in quite a while.  Either, I'd pull into my driveway after work, and JD would have just left the house, or I'd walk in and they were already finished with sex and were having a beer after the fact.  So in a way, it was like re-learning how we all do this together.  I promise you, it is like riding a bike.

I had gotten up to go grab some beers from the refrigerator.  Granted, by this point, I was the only one having an occasional sip.  When I returned, JD was on his knees and elbows.  and my wife was about half-way through the process of inserting a vibrating anal plug.  This is one made for men that is shaped similar to a long finger.  It is aimed at massaging the prostate.  Ever since JD got over the embarrassment of me knowing that he enjoys anal play, he simply shrugs it off when I see her inserting it in him.  I wish more men realized the pleasure one can have in anal play.  There is nothing "gay" about receiving pleasure from a woman and her toy.

Once the device was suitably installed, JD rolled over on his back and my wife looked up at me and said, "Get up old man.  I need you in me."

She stood at the edge of the bed with JD's legs on either side of her's.  She then grabbed his cock and stuck her ass out at me.  "Watch this!" She said.

I stood behind her and after a moment of adjusting my legs to match her height, I entered her pussy from behind.  Looking over her shoulder, I watched the show she made of sucking JD's cock.  She kept turning her head to the side so I had a clear view of the work she was doing on him.  He and I made that eye contact we do, when we both know how fantastic this arraignment is.  In sort of a "No homo" way, I pulled on his legs as leverage as I slid in and out of her pussy.  I imagined what it must be like to have the anal toy inserted while getting a playful blow job. 

Meanwhile, as I pounded my wife's pussy, her ass pushed against my thighs with each thrust.  I said, "Talk nasty."

She turned her head and said, "That's kind tough with JD's dick in my mouth."

I laughed and said, "No, JD talk dirty."

That was all it took. For the next several minutes, JD gave me exactly what I wanted.  Please understand, this isn't about humiliation, though I absolutely do get off on either he or my wife pointing out the obvious: "You love my thick cock, don't you?"  "It's so much thicker than his" "You've missed my big cock, haven't you?"

The real turn on is, these things are all true.  We all know it, there is no debate about it, and none of us are unhappy or embarrassed by it. But I still find it such a turn on to hear it, whether in the remarks he makes or when she says it to me.  She will say things like, "He is so much bigger than you." "I love how he fills my pussy."

I know so many men are different when it comes to this stuff. Some husbands have to be there for every second of the encounter.  No kissing, no going to his house alone, no this or no that.  Some men want total humiliation, they want to be in a cock cage, forced to sit in the corner and watch.  Some husbands have that need to be called a sissy.  I just don't fit into those categories, but I realize there are guys who read my situation and just shutter.  We all have our own little mental imagery of what HotWife or Cuckold arrangement works best for them.  

At some point, I mentally found myself wanting to simply unload in my wife.  I asked JD, "If I cum in her pussy, will you clean her out?"

I've been eating her pussy after JD unloads in her for years, but we've never reversed the role.  He smiled and said, "I might."  He followed that with, "You know, I go down on her after I cum in her quite a bit when you aren't here."

That statement should have made me cum.  That combined with my wife just bucking her backside into my dick.  Enter my Low T and whatever other issues and I finally stopped and said, "I don't think it is going to happen.  But this is fun."

I backed away and felt my thighs turn into spaghetti.  I think I need to do some squats!

My wife moved to a small rocker that is placed in front of the lounge I was on and had JD get up from the bed.  She positioned them to be right in front of me as she continued the blow job.  I could see JD doing every mental trick he could to just spray cum all over my wife's face and tits, but I also realized we had ben going at this for several hours.  It was close to 2AM.  We had climbed in the hot tub around 10 PM.

Before long, he knew he was not going to cum either.  Beer kills, people.  

As they moved back to the bed, JD popped out the anal toy and we had a laugh about the sound effects made the very first time my wife used a large dildoe on me.  We all laughed reliving that moment in a hotel room when I had been bent over as my wife rammed in and out with that huge thing.  When I couldn't take it any more, she pulled it out and it made this popping sound as if a champagne cork had popped.  Good times.

When it was all over, My wife and JD stayed lying on the bed and we all talked for probably another 30 to 45 minutes.  Eventually, toys were cleaned, showers were had beer cans were disposed of.  My wife reports a total of at least five orgasms on the night, maybe more.  Neither JD nor I had exploded, though we all agreed that we had a satisfying night.  

Yea, it was hot.  It was a hot Saturday night, and a hotter Sunday morning.

Wednesday, February 23, 2022

Polyamory Night - Our First Sex Class...


I first made this post in September of 2019.  It would be the first and only class we attended at this particular place, not because we were suddenly experts, but because of distance and later the onset of COVID.  By strict definition, my wife and I are not engaged in what the purists refer to as consensual or ethical non-monogamy, simply because my wife's boyfriend has a wife that at least on the surface does not know about this relationship that has been going on for over a decade.  But, the information was interesting.

My wife and I attended what we expected to be a talk on the basics of Polyamory.  It was listed as providing definitions, some typical rules, encountering work related issues, and jealousy.  Specifically, there was a lot of discussion on consensual non-monogamy and more specifically, ethical non-monogamy.

I must say that when people start talking about ethical non-monogamy, my Catholic guilt kicks in, because if you know anything about the relationship my wife and I have with her BF, his wife is definitely not in the know.  Now we don't care about that, but I learned the hard way on the website, Quora, that if you dare to identify yourself as anything related to Poly, some people there will shout you down unless every single person involved has a signed affidavit stating that they are okay with anything in the relationship.  

It was with this mindset going into the discussion, I was not about to offer any details of our particular situation, if for instance there was one of those moments where they ask you to stand up and talk about your situation.  No that, didn't happen for us, thank goodness.

I have had my education of these types of relationships mainly through listening/reading Dan Savage, Dr Christopher Ryan, and of course interactions with people I have met via my blog.  What I will say is that, the group we met had some slightly different definitions in terminology. 

Let me back up and describe the setting.  I had been in this women focused sex boutique a handful of times before, but had no idea that there was a full classroom through a set of doors I hadn't noticed before.  When we walked in, the woman at the counter recognized my wife and directed us to this room that had couches and rows of chairs set up classroom style.  There was a table to the side with snacks, cheeses, bottles of wine and such.  A guy in the back of the room was getting the projector up and running and when we sat down, closer to the back, we saw the class instructor come in.  

This woman was what I would describe as your typical middle aged housewife or perhaps school teacher.  There was nothing sexual in her appearance, in fact she easily could have come directly working in a bank or a school or any conservative business place.  She was in a pretty flowery dress, and in a million years, I would have not pegged her for having practiced a poly lifestyle for over 18 years.  The man running the projector was her live-in boyfriend. Her husband was at a Veteran of Foreign Wars meeting.  In a way, they actually make the case that you just never know what your neighbors are into, and there is no stereotypical "look" for people into a particular thing.

I counted and including us, there were 30 people in attendance.  I honestly thought there might be us and two other couples.  Boy was I wrong.  I would say that there was maybe less than three or four people under the age of thirty.  Everyone else was between thirty and sixty and there were at least two ladies who had to be well over sixty-five.  The people in attendance looked like, for the most part, people you'd pass in the halls at work or at the grocery store.  

When the instructor came in, she made eye contact with a handful of people who I learned were regular attendees of this class.  She hugged and kissed on the lips, several of these people.  My wife immediately thought these must have been people she had slept with, but as the class started, it just turned out that these people all knew each other for a long time.

While the man was fiddling with the projector to get the slides going, the instructor asked one gentleman in the back to talk about the group.  I seriously thought that instead of being a class, we had stumbled into a meeting of some large swingers group.  And maybe that's really what it was.  At any rate, the man in the back, at least 60, indicated that the purpose of this group was to learn about the various basics of the lifestyle, but more importantly, offer a like minded community to be able to freely discuss things, ask advice, and really just to get to know people.  He also mentioned a local group on FetLife, and he said with much disdain, a local private Facebook page.

It was more and more clear that a lot of the people attend this same event, strictly for that feeling of community.  The man also stated that everyone of the classes is different, so if you come five times, while the slides may be the same, the conversation will not.

The class got going and she gave terminology, explained how there are so many different configurations of things, triads, V's quads, solo poly, open, swingers, closed groups.  She explained Primary, second, tertiary partners and different variations on Hierarchy, egalitarian, anarchy.  It was noting I hadn't been exposed to, per se, but it where it got interesting was when she started pointing to some of the regulars in class and with thier permission, described the type of relationships these people were in.

One man who did speak up on occasion gave a really interesting description of how he has a spouse and a girlfriend and how his spouse and his girlfriend are girlfriends as well.  In fact, he was at the meeting alone because the two ladies had gone on a long weekend trip together, without him. 

There were descriptions of other groups where a husband had two girlfriends but his wife was not involved with any of them, though, everyone was friendly.  The wife had one or two boyfriends, and same deal.  The husband knows the guys, but they don't hang out together as a big group of friends.  What they all apparently do is manage multiple calendars so everyone connected can be aware of people's schedules.  

The way they used "Ethical" was more about open communication, and not being an asshole.  The used ethical to say, I don't own your time, you offer your time to me, and vice versa, you don't own my presence just because we are partners, I offer it to you.  Hearing that did not make me want to jump up and say, my wife's BF is cheating on his wife, but it did give me a sense that these people were not the Quora Poly police.

The class was scheduled for an hour and it ran closer to an hour and a half.  When the presentation was over, several more of the regulars gave testimonials about their particular relationships and a few people asked questions.  One guy asked how he and his wife can look for a Unicorn without coming across as a creepy couple looking for a unicorn.

We didn't stay around to offer any clues about our situation, but when we left and stopped by our local Mexican place for a nightcap, we had a lot of really good talk about us, our situation with JD, the situation with he and his wife, and the fact that more an more, my schedule has been conflicting with his schedule which means that I either come in at the tail end of their sex, or I miss it all together.  She even sad that I needed to communicate more with JD to let him know that I'm still good with things when I can't be there.

I'm not sure that we'd pay our $10 each to go to this same class again, but I would say it was well worth the money and time.  Seeing the environment has opened up the possibility of attending other classes there, so who knows.

Friday, February 11, 2022

Am I Living on Revolutionary Road?

I first posted this little rant in January of 2010, over 12 years ago.  I'm shocked at how relevant it is to me today.  A week or two ago, a friend and I chatted and she asked me why we don't just get divorced already.  That just isn't going to happen for a number of reasons, but a lot of it has to do with the same reason many couples just drag it out until death.  When I wrote this piece, that's when I should have divorced.  I'm currently doing individual counseling and eventually, we will get to these sort of feelings.  In the mean time, I enjoy reading this one from 2010. (I have not checked the links).

The other night my wife and I watched that movie Revolutionary Road, the story of two really angry people. From the very beginning of the movie it was clear that the wife just had some serious rage bubbling down inside, and the husband was making an effort to keep her from boiling over. And not five minutes into the movie, the yelling and screaming begins. It isn't horror movie; it's life.

My wife and I don't get into shouting matches and all out arguments are rare. But I so connected with the husband in this movie; one minute his wife is absolutely thrilled with their life and as happy as can be, then seemingly without a trigger, she is hating the world and it is all his fault. And he is not without blame. Underneath the smile and efforts to tip-toe around whatever her latest complaint is going to be, he is seething in anger about it all. Where we differ is, I simply don't respond to it anymore.

I often feel for my wife. I feel like an ass for simply not caring. I know there are times when she just needs me to hold her or pay attention to her, but I simply can't flip the switch the way she does. I have never been one to let arguments linger. If a co-worker and I disagree over something, I'm quick to move on from it. Life is too short. But over time, if there is a constant tone of negativity, surely even the most forgiving of people are impacted.

Imagine a guy getting up in the morning and just kicking the shit out of his dog, over and over again all day long, but every few hours, tossing the dog a little treat, followed by more kicking. And then at night, the owner wants the dog to come curl up in bed. I feel like the dog in this scenario quite a bit, yet I feel guilty about it. Go figure.

Like the couple in Revolutionary Road, the husband is not without guilt. He is no husband of the year and I accept that I would not win any such awards. My mind wanders endlessly. When we drive, beneath the sound of the radio, the non-stop chattering of my wife who can't stop talking, I am lost in thought only picking up on a few key words here and there. Where most people engage in conversation during a drive, I pretend to listen but rarely even grunt any sort of response. If you had a tape recording of a trip to the store, it would sound as if if my wife were practicing a monologue on her top ten complaints of the day.

When I get home from work, I don't get even a minute to myself before the flood, the total fire hose of one sided conversation comes pouring out of her. You would think that I would at least nod my head or try to engage but I learned a long time ago that there is no winning in either agreeing or disagreeing with what she has to say. My wife literally argues with me when I agree with her, so what is the point? She can't take yes for an answer and she can't take no for answer, so why choose?

I can't tell you how many times a conversation goes just like this:
her: "Hey, Honey, why don't we go eat at Chili's?"
me: "Sure, sounds great. Let's go"
her: "Well I got this coupon and if we don't use it before the 15th it will expire and I am really tired of us getting these coupons and wasting them."
me: (silence)
her: "And not only that, I am not making anything for dinner, so if you want to eat, you better take me out."

Another favorite:
her: "I really want to go to Chili's."
me: "Sure, sounds great. Let's go."
her: "Or if you want we can go someplace else."
me: "Chili's is fine."
her: "We could go to Applebee's or Bennigan's."
me: "I thought you wanted to go to Chili's?"
her: "Well, if you have your heart set on it, I guess we can go there, but next time I get to choose."

These conversations are just irritants. When I get to be old enough to have a hearing aid, I'll look forward to being able to turn the volume down and simply ignore her. The conversations that have left me crawling further and further into my own world are the ones that revolve around put downs and complaints about me personally. I don't think I am a thin-skinned person, I'm just tired of being the dog. And of course, if I was the only target, I would think that I must really just be a mess. But no, we can never have two good kids. There is always one bad kid. My children, thankfully adults and no longer living at home, can never both be in her good graces at once. And there is no rhyme or reason to when the switch occurs. Ditto for her family members.

So look, I could go on and on about this but why bother? Life is too short to lose one's mind over these so insignificantly small things when there are so many people who have real issues to worry about. We live a comfortable life. We aren't hurting for money and in spite of that anger beneath the surface, we aren't at each other's throats. As Melvin Udall might say, what if this is as good as it gets?

If you haven't seen Revolutionary Road, I don't recommend it. It was depressing and sad and just full of yelling. But it might put your own marriage into perspective.

Sunday, October 4, 2020

The Shower...

I posted this originally not too long ago, in October of 2020.  I make reference to my neighbors, a very nice retired couple.  Since this posted, I have had many conversations with the lady and we both acknowledge that our hot tubs are swimsuit free zones (unless there are visiting grandchildren).  I'm 90% convinced this woman knows full well about my wife's "visitor" each week.  We've never really talked about it, but I think she has her suspicions.  

This is the best time of year here in south central Texas.  The weather is cooling down, we aren't peaking in the 100's or even high 90's for the most part.  The mornings have actually been cool enough that I have backed off on using the outdoor shower before work.  

I was doing some heavy yard work this weekend which resulted in me being both dirty, sweaty, and probably not very good smelling.  Earlier in the afternoon, my neighbor had come over to ask about hot tub chemicals.  She peered into my hot tub and cursed at how crystal clear my water was and I offered to go take a look at her tub, but I'd have to do it later in the afternoon.

This lady and her husband are retired, in their late 60's, and very, very nice people.  The woman looks like she probably played sports in school; she is taller than her husband, wears her gray hair short, is always in form fitting shorts and though I'm certain it is unintended, more often than not has a visible camel toe!

My wife has already started with her comments about how the lady next door is my girlfriend since I'm always offering to go help with whatever handyman problem they are having.  

I finished up the work I was doing and my wife was wanting to run to the grocery store, so I told her I would shower first - she thanked me.  When I walked out to our patio, wearing a robe and carrying a towel, I noticed the neighbor lady was out in her backyard moving sprinklers.  I really didn't think much of it until I got onto the shower deck and realized the exact point in her yard where she was standing provided a straight view through the offset privacy boards around the shower.  

For clarification, our shower is surrounded by privacy fence, the type that has one board on the inside, then one on the outside and so on.  This allows the high winds to go through without fear of knocking the fence down.  Obviously, it presents a privacy issue if someone is standing at an angle and looking through the slats.  To fix that problem, for a few feet in front of the shower head, we placed smaller boards in between that will basically, turn off the peep show.  The problem is, it never occurred to us that the neighbors on the other side might stand out in their yard and look toward the shower.

I know for sure the husband has seen my ass in the morning, and didn't realize he was out piddling around.  There was another time when I was drying myself and I saw the lady walk by, but she was looking the other direction.  This time, I kept my robe on until I had the water going and basically gave her enough warning that I was about to shower.  

By the time I was rinsing my hair and had turned my front side toward the neighbor, she had just finished "adjusting her sprinkler" so to speak.  The woman had watched me shower, and granted, I'm sure it wasn't much of a view given the narrow slats and plants and vines, there is no explanation as to why she was still at the perfect angle for two minutes or more.

I should just say, I'm not there to put on a show, but I sure as hell would if she wanted to see.  I'm not the guy in a trench coat who walks up to unsuspecting ladies at a bus stop and flashes them, but c'mon, I think it is pretty clear that if I walk to our outdoor shower in a robe and a towel, that is fair warning that someone is about to be naked.

So we go to the store, come back, and I send a text to the neighbor saying I can come over to check the tub chemicals.  She texts back and I go. As I walked to the other side of their property where their hot tub sits, I could hear her giggling with the husband.  Could have been a funny joke, could have been anything, but in my mind, she was probably embarrassed knowing that I know she saw me.

I suspect nudist's and Europeans reading this are scratching their heads at how prudish we all are.